Sunday, February 26, 2012

Meryl's Love

Tonight's Academy Award winner for Best Actress, Meryl Streep, made me cry. She had finally won another Oscar award, her last win having been in 1983 - 29 years ago. When she won tonight, she felt guilty, like she stole the award from someone else..... she basically dissed herself, behaving like she didn't deserve it. Even though, out of the 17 times she had been nominated for an Academy Award, she was only just securing her third Oscar. She'll feel happier soon :).

At the start of her acceptance speech, she thanked her husband. She told him that everything that she values and treasures in this world, he has given to her. And they are a couple who have been married for years.

I want that. I'm still emotional.

I thought about a sea anemone. They look so beautiful, like the one in this image I took from the National Geographic website. You have heard the stories, the facts - if you touch one, you'll get stung and you'll feel pain. You can get poisoned and without emergency medical treatment you can die.

A stupid person who probably feels he deserves pain, hardship and death will go ahead and grasp this cousin of a jellyfish. Maybe he's not stupid though. Probably jaded, traumatized and brainwashed. Robotic.

The anemone attracts him, not solely for its beauty but especially for the danger that lies beneath. Somewhere in the brainwashed robot's psyche, if the stakes are high in the probability that he will endure pain, he becomes sucked into whatever warped perception he has subconsciously imprinted of the anemone's worth. A flower that is actually a flower holds no interest for him. Because, it is what it is. A flower. A sea anemone is a beautiful venomous stinging marine life predator. It would definitely make more sense to set about to rein it in......cut himself down to its size and ride it like a cowboy til he meets the sunset......the attempt, not to die trying to trap it, but to extract its venom and own its domiciled beauty.

Oh this quixotic life.

I want that love too, Meryl. You are my inspiration.

I have been through some rough times with men and my feelings. What I am grateful for is the presence of tired experience and exposure. Right now, I'm just too worn out to appreciate bullshit. It's working out for me too. I have a professional life, budding family life and no love life. It's the only way for me to analyse why I always love men who prefer for me to love them than for them to love me.

The time I take now, being single and uninvolved also allows me the capacity to develop patience and self reliance. The sea anemone can only be registered as a threat and bad for business especially in the mind of its magnet......only when she takes the time to interrogate who exactly is a venomous predator to her....and who in fact is a sensible good choice of a real beautiful flower....or cowboy, or scientist....or.....a good man.

I'm taking the time now to develop the life skill of patience. I'm going to wait. If it means that I'll miss out, I won't mind. I have learnt that with love, you really have to take the time. Meryl sat for 29 years watching people go to accept their award, leaving their devoted husbands for last. When it was her turn, she knew right away how to really show her gratitude to the one who sat beside her for the 29 years, reassuring and reaffirming his love and her worth.

Don't be quixotic. If you can't stay away from men that are bad for you, just keep your silly ass quiet.

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