The last time I remember members of my church coming by my home to visit and worship with my family, I remember being extremely self-conscious and on the verge of tears. I distinctly remember that in my prayer (we were in a ring, holding hands) I asked God to never stop loving us even when we do not love ourselves.
And He hasn't.
First it was the day I got really funny exciting news and made my way to her room, then stopped. Then it was the fact that she can't write down any more humorous recipes for me. Now, it's the fact that she can't hold my hand gently yet tightly and pray for me.
I had a big adventure recently and I really really wished that when I got home I would have been able to go in her room and have her pray for me. I was driving home with my Dad. Thinking about having to pray by myself, feeling really low.
Then, I just saw this beautiful, sunset ahead of me, stretching across the sky, so beautiful I couldn't cry or frown....I had to just try to steal a piece of its beauty.
When I went home, I walked into my grandmother's room and sat on the bed. I whispered "Kayla" but she was not nearby....I was afraid to pray by myself.
I clasped my hands and closed my eyes, holding back the tears. This time praying I just said, "Whatever is your will, Lord, help me to accept it. Please keep my Grandma close to me. Help me to enjoy all you have given me in this life."
When I opened my eyes, I felt different. Calmer. The adventure did not take off. And I am much more accepting than I expected to be. Because this time, I saw a sign that I was not alone. And that is all I need to know.